Leads with Love and destroys parasites

Posted: 2011 06 15 by Chris Goforth in Biblical manhood, Challenge, Discipleship, Hardcore Christian Men, manhood, masculine, masculinity, Relationship

As a husband and father – How well do you love your family?  Are you motives and actions done out of love for them?  Does your family have a mission?  Do you look at the larger picture when it comes to them? What are you doing to ensure that you are removing all obstacles that will take your family of course?  Tough questions?

As men, we should be the ones leading our families in all areas.  This isn’t to say your wife doesn’t have say, in fact she should be sought out and asked her input and feedback on all decisions, however the difference being that you as the leader make all the final decisions.  Please don’t misunderstand this is not about power and control, it’s about doing the very best for your family.  Putting the needs of your wife and children first and ensuring their needs are taken care of prior to worrying about yourself.

As the husband I believe that you need to have an idea of what your life is about or your mission.  I also believe that you are living out your values and beliefs in everything you do and you children are picking up on this in more ways than you can imagine.  I wonder if your kids really know what your values are, do they fully understand why you do all that you do? In our home we have a mission statement posted up in our dining room.  We use this as a point of reference for our children so they understand why we live our life the way we do and what makes us run.  Here’s what ours looks like.

The mission of our family is…

to create a place of truth, love, happiness, and acceptance

to provide opportunities for each person to take chances in order to achieve worthwhile purposes.

to wisely use our time, talents, and resources to bless others…


We will…Put our relationship with Christ above all things in our home
We will…Look to God’s word for the answers tough questions
We will…Honor mom and dad
We will…Respect mom and dad’s time alone
We will…Love and protect each other, to the death if need be
We will…Obey the Lord and mom and dad
We will…Honor God with sound money decisions
We will…Put God and our family before any other activities
We will…Worship together as a family
We will…Be available; Be affectionate; Give affirmation; And accept one another

Deuteronomy 6:5-9
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk with them when you sit at home and when you walk along side the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates”

We came to this by sitting down as a family, talking about values, sharing what our values are as parents and then what values we are trying to impart into our children.  This ended up being a fantastic discussion and we were able to have our kids express what was important to them.  Based on the input from my family I was able to put this together.  This gives our family something to stand for.  This document as with any can change over the course of time, but I feel like it’s a solid statement about what our family stands for and am proud of what my family came up with.

As the leader of my family I am called to many things.  Being responsible for my wife and children, their welfare, safety and many other needs.  Because I dearly love each one of them, I want to give them the best of myself and everything else that I can.  Each one is unique and different and because of this they each have needs that I need to be fully aware of and do my best to meet their needs.  I am not able to do this if I am not tuned in and making them a priority in my life.  I do this by engaging them in conversations where I ask specific questions to find out details about their day.  I don’t ever want to know just surface type things I want to know what’s going on in their mind and hearts.  Each conversation is had with meaning and purpose. When something comes up with them, I continue talking with them so this process is always going and I can help them process through what’s going on.

I have always been one to treat my kids as if they have important things to say and ensure that their voice is important.  We have family meetings where we talk about different issues and everyone gets a say.  They have input in what is going on and I want feedback from them.  We have open, honest and real discussions and no subject is taboo.  We talk about everything and I do my part to educate my kids about everything to they can make informed decisions.  This has been beneficial for our kids and helped in being able to express themselves.  It’s during these times that I find out from their perspective if something is bothering them, offending them or hurting them.  Upon finding out these things I move into action and do what I can to help make the situation better.

If something is an obstacle, offensive or is blocking anyone in my family from moving forward then I am going to do my part to remove it.  Anything that will take away from our family and cause it to move us away from our target is something that needs to be destroyed.  This has taken on many forms over the years.  Things like unhealthy family members, poor boundaries, peers who can’t respect our family or children.  The list is long and I have dealt with so many things over the years that would take away for the unity of our family.  At the heart of all of it, my family is my #1 priority and whatever it takes to keep them in that spot is what I will do.  I refer to my family as an empire.  I am the Knight in battle protecting my empire and dynasty.  If you try to destroy a part of that I will take you out and not look back.  I do all that I do because I love nothing more than my family and even though I don’t always speak or act in a loving way at home, my wife and kids know that I would lay down my life to protect them and I do this in many ways daily.

As a man, you have a lot resting on your shoulders, especially as a husband and father.  We wear many hats and in doing so, at the core of who we are; love for our family should be at the center of all of it.  This is a high calling, but one worth more than anyone really ever talks about.  A battle is never easy, but it’s a battle that is worth laying your own life down.  When all is said and done, a husband and father who will do whatever it takes to take care of his family is someone worthy of great admiration and respect.  Step up and take your spot, time waits for no man.

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