Can you replace the “Bad Boy” in her life?

Posted: 2011 05 23 by Paul S in Biblical manhood, Hardcore Christian Men, manhood, masculine, masculinity, Relationship

It’s been a few days since you last heard from me, and it’s been a long few days for me. During this short hiatus from writing, I kept being burdened with answering this question. Can Christian men really replace the “Bad Boy” in a girl’s life? I think we can, but I also think it will take a lot of work. For some, it’s going to take a reinvention of ourselves, for others, a slight adjustment, and others already fit this role well. So what is the difference?

Remember back when I first talked about the bad boy type? You’ll find it two weeks back, Bad boys get all the girls? In that post, I described the “Bad Boy” and the reason that she falls for him. She picks him because she thinks he is the closest she can find to what she wants. She picks him because he shows elements of power, passion, and independence. She picks him because he is a man, or at least acts like one. Why doesn’t the Christian guy fill this role in her eyes?

It’s because the Christian guy doesn’t harness his strength, he hides it (sometimes forgetting he ever had it). The Christian guy hides his passion behind books smarts and a dry exterior, because “showing emotion like anger is bad”, and forgetting that Jesus showed us both passionate anger and passionate love. The Christian guy is afraid to make his own decisions and take the lead, worried that he will be judged unworthy by other Christian guys. The Christian guy either does not have, or does not show, his Godly power, passion, and independence.

If you are wondering what I mean by these three elements, click on the links below:

Power from God?

Passion to Love!

Can you stand alone?

How are Christian guys at using and showing these elements of manhood? They just aren’t up to par. Sure, I can point to a lot of great Christian men that show these elements in every part of their lives, but for every one that fits this, hundreds or thousands miss the mark (usually because they have learned the mark is somewhere else). You have heard me say the Church is becoming feminized. This “Christian guy” or, to borrow a term from Paul Coughlin, “Christian Nice Guy,” has hidden away his masculine traits in favor of those traits that the modern Church emphasizes. These are not the only traits that Jesus taught, but the traits that make us “acceptable” in the eyes of the modern Church.

Bad Boys have these traits, but are missing the dedication that God demands and women desire. So let me ask you, are you willing to change what you believe makes you a man and follow what Jesus taught us? The men that are writing here at Hardcore Christian Men are focused on what makes us men and how we can better match the example given to us by Jesus. If you focus on matching that example, you’ll find the women are more interested, and that you are having more fun at the same time as feeling more fulfilled in your spiritual life.

Oh, and stop worrying about what everyone thinks about you. This is one area that has always been hard for me. It’s easy to be caught up in what others think of you, but when the only one you are seeking to please is the Father, it becomes a lot easier to realize that the rest aren’t judging as much as you are judging yourself.

Now for the big one, don’t be afraid to offend. When I ride my Harley up to a new church, I don’t hesitate to walk in through the doors wearing my black leather and jeans. I’m not afraid to lift my hands in praise as I worship. This is not being disrespectful of those around me, it is an act of placing God as the most important and the one I am there to worship. The mild and withdrawn Paul that wouldn’t ever stand up in joy for God is gone. Are you ready to stop worrying about offending? Are you ready to follow Jesus? Jesus offended. Jesus told the spiritual leaders of the day that they were wrong, and He was killed for His righteous truth. He was a “Bad Boy” in His own time.

So, in calling calling us to follow Him, Jesus is calling us to be the righteous “Bad Boy” He was. He wants you to stand up for Him, together and individually. He wants you to use the power he gave you. He wants you to show passion in the important things, and not worry about the inconsequential stuff. He wants you to be able to figure out what to do based on His teachings, not just the teachings of some guy like me you once read on blog. He wants you to be a man, a righteous “Bad Boy,” for His Kingdom. Are you ready to be a righteous “Bad Boy?” She’ll like it too.

Until the Whole World Knows,


  1. Greiana says:

    Wow awesome article. I’m a young woman so I hope it’s okay that I even stopped by here! lol I think it’s great to hear this from the guy’s perspective. I know why I’ve been attracted to the “bad boy” type and you hit the reasons spot on. Thanks so much for sharing!

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