I Don’t Need You

Posted: 2012 05 24 by Chris Goforth in Authentic Man, Biblical manhood, Challenge, Hardcore Christian Men, manhood, masculine, masculinity, Relationship, Spiritual Discipline
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We were created to be in relationships with one another.  If you read through scripture you will see this has played out since God breathed life into Adam.  In fact we are told in Genesis 2:18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.  God created Eve and Adam was no longer alone, he had someone to share life with.  Not only was Eve there, but God communicated with both.  He longed to have a relationship with them.

Throughout scripture we are given examples of men who needed other men, had men who were willing to walk along side them.  In Ecclesiastes 4:12 Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. 

Enter Jesus on the scene, he went out, asked other men to follow him and up until he was taken, crucified and resurrected.  Spent day and night with a group of 12 men.  Sharing life, living, exploring, talking, asking question and being there for one another.  This model of doing life together is something that I hold and cling to.

The world tells us we should break free from our parents.  Be a self-made man.  Take care of things on our own.  We are meant to go it alone.  We don’t need anyone.  All of this is a lie we have been fed far too long.  It’s a lie from the pit of hell.  Satan knows if men go it a lone they will destroy themselves.

Think about it, when you are going through the rhythms of life, how much time is spent alone?  Do you look at people or things you shouldn’t?  When you are alone with your thoughts how would you rate them?  When you are at home and it’s just you or your family do you treat them differently than you do when others are around.  Do you internalize all your thoughts and feelings and just push through them.  I can say that I am guilty of all the above.  I have done all of it.  Rather than talking to someone else I have kept things locked up.  I have isolated myself and just put on my best game face.  I have spent countless hours late at night looking at things I shouldn’t as a way of medicating.  The question I come back to is where this has left me.

Why do we continue to believe the lies?  Why do we feel like we are different and have an image to keep?  Why do we think we can’t admit we made less than honorable choices?  Why can’t we call out and ask for help, admit when we need it.  Really it boils down to one thing – selfish pride.

We struggle, internalize, isolate and keep others at a distance and we suffer for it.  The weight of all of that keeps us living in this crazy cycle.  Somehow we are unable to see that in reaching out; admitting we are a mess and we need others to walk through life with us is a bad thing.  We are kidding ourselves when we believe the lie no one would love me, like me or want to be around me if they knew the truth.  We are lying to ourselves when we think no one would understand where I am coming from.  Here’s the key – We are all human, we sin, we live in a broken world and we will continue to do this until we die.

God designed us to be in a relationship with him and with others.  We need our brothers.  At 41 years old I know that I do much better in life when I have other guys I can talk to, share life and be open about what I struggle with.  I also have experienced this too many times to know it works and it’s a huge benefit.  Knowing that I can call or shoot a text to another guy and he’s got my back has changed my life.  It’s been transformational.  The other part I know is that in my years of doing life and working with other men, there is nothing out there another guy hasn’t struggled with.

Do you know that you are being lied to?  What lies have you believed that have kept you silent?

Come here? Go there?

Posted: 2012 05 23 by Paul S in Biblical manhood, Challenge, Discipleship, Hardcore Christian Men, manhood, masculine, masculinity, Ministry
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In todays Church, there is a tendency to focus on “growth” or “conversions.” I think this is missing a major part of Jesus’ teaching. If we look at the Gospel and the epistles, we see more about how to live as a believer and Church than how to recieve salvation. So why do so many churches today only teach the Gospel? Why do they teach that salvation is an end instead of teaching that salvation is the beginning?

Jesus didn’t teach this. Look at Matthew 4:19, “He said to them, ‘Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.’” Jesus did not say “Come here and I will make you a fisher of men,” or “Go there, and I will make you a fisher of men.” He said “Follow me.” These two words sum up the walk of a believer for me. We are to follow Jesus.

There is a saying that goes something like this, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” When considering my walk with Jesus, this is how I often feel. My journey with Christ may be a journey of a thousand miles, that’s up to Him, not me. The key is that I continue taking the steps to follow Him. To grow in Him. To become more like Him. In my walk, I will join others, and this is what we as the Church should be teaching. We need to teach to follow, not to come. We need to teach to walk together and grow in Him.

A challenge to you: Instead of being content with where you are, follow Jesus and grow in Him.

Until the Whole World Knows,

Paul

 

A Christ Figure in Culture

Posted: 2012 05 09 by Paul S in Biblical manhood, Discipleship, Hardcore Christian Men, manhood, masculine, masculinity, Movie, Review
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Over the last several weeks, I have watched “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy.

As I watched the final few scenes, I was reminded that Tolkien wrote the Lord of the Rings with many Christian symbols. While not like C.S. Lewis’ Narnia, Middle Earth has many clear references to Christianity in it. It’s easy to identify Sauron as an image for Satan, and Aragon as being a Christ figure, but there are others worth looking at. I’m going to focus on one.

Samwise Gamgee. In the movie, as Frodo falls, just feet from the entrance to Mount Doom, Sam picks Frodo up and carries him. I cannot remember if the quote is the same in the book as it is in the movie, but Sam tells Frodo, “I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you.” I think this is an echo of Christ in our lives. While Christ can take all burden from us, we are meant to bear some burden for Him. He allows us these burdens, even when they seem paralyzing, but He also lifts us up so we can carry them. If the burden is too much, He will lift it from us, but if we can bear it, He will lift us up. Just a thought from a great movie.

Until the Whole World Knows,

Paul

Another Option for Men

Posted: 2012 05 07 by Paul S in Biblical manhood, Book, Fatherhood, Hardcore Christian Men, manhood, masculine, masculinity, Ministry, Review
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In my web prowling, I found a group that I thought I would share with you. These guys are doing exactly what we are sharing with you here. They are Third Option Men. I hope to get these guys over here to share about thier vision, their site, the books they have published, and the mission trips they are leading. To give you a taste today, I have a link to share for an ebook they are giving away.

“There’s only one God…”

Posted: 2012 05 05 by Paul S in manhood, masculine, masculinity, Biblical manhood, Challenge, Hardcore Christian Men, Review, Relationship, Movie, Ministry
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On Thursday, I got to have a pretty cool experience with my brother and Dad. We went to the movies…for 14 hrs! What I’m talking about is the “Ultimate Marvel Marathon”. This was a “debriefing” hosted by “Agent Coulson” of all of the Avengers related movies, ending with “The Avengers”. Here’s a pic of us at it:

Dean, Paul, and Russ at The Marvel Marathon

Watching these movies, the geek in me was in paradise! And the Christian in me was searching. I was searching for Christian imagery. The minister in me was searching for stories to share. There are always great stories of sacrifice, betrayal, and brotherhood. Iron Man gives us a great “prodigal son.” But there are very few, if any, direct statements of support for God or Christianity in any of the back story movies leading up to Thursday’s midnight release. With our culture’s hesitancy to show any support for God, I had lost hope of seeing any in “The Avengers.”

The Joss Whedon amazed me. He wrote the screenplay and directed the movie. He was the one that added a small mention, even if it was only for the character, the statement was true. (Trying to avoid spoilers, but there is some I have to say) As the team is being assembled, there is a fight between Loki and Thor. As he is preparing to jump into the fray, Black Widow warns Captain America, “Might want to sit this one out, they are gods.” In response, Cap states,

“There’s only one God ma’am, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t dress like that.”

This one statement made me smile, and if you look at my twitter, I stepped off to the side at that moment and tweeted that quote. I’m not sure what Joss Whedon believes, but we know that Steve Rogers (Captain America’s “real” name) is a believer. Throughout the movies, Captain America/Steve Rogers gives Christian Men a great example. Here’s a guy who started out as a 90 pound weakling who wouldn’t back down from a bully and became the symbol behind which a country can fight. Almost 70 years after being lost in WWII, he is found, and he is refitted and sent back out. WHen hearing of his new uniform, he asks “Aren’t the stars and stripes a little old fashioned?” To which he is told, “some of us could use a little old fashioned.”

Think about the things that America has forgotten since WWII. Men were chivilrous then. Pornography was not an ever present thing. Divorce was rare. God was still welcome in our schools and society. Sure, some of the bad was present, and I won’t say that life is not better now that it was then in many ways, but in our properity, God and the teachings of God have been forgotten. Captain America can remind us of these things. Seems to me that he is a faint echo of The Man, but he is still an echo.

Here’s a challenge to each of you, follow Captain America’s example and remember, “There’s only one God.” Find a way to show that in your life this week, and think on ot often.

Until the Whole World Knows,

Paul

P.S. The Avengers was a great movie!

What did you say

Posted: 2012 04 26 by Chris Goforth in Authentic Man, Biblical manhood, Challenge, Discipleship, Hardcore Christian Men, manhood, masculine, masculinity, Ministry, Relationship, Spiritual Discipline
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As a kid I heard the saying – “Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me”.  How untrue that is.  It’s not secret that words are powerful.  Ask anyone who’s ever dealt with verbal abuse from a parent, spouse or boss.  The words and phrases spew out of their mouths leave hurts just as much as physical wounds.  Words spoken this way are curses cast upon us.  I am reminded of the Proverbs 21:23 – Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble. Yet how many times have I been guilty of this.  So many times I wish I could go back and take back what I said to someone.  Unfortunately once it’s spoken it can never be taken back.

We are told in Proverbs 18:8 - The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts.  Gossip seems to be something everyone wants to get in on or hear.  Unfortunately, gossip and bad mouthing are never meant to build a person up.  In fact they seek to bring a person down and point out the person is flawed and somehow less than others.  Those talking ill about someone else make them appear as though they either have a really boring life or they have everything together.   It has been my experience we are all aware of our flaws.  When someone makes the choice to talk badly about us, put us down or point out our mistakes it solidifies what we already know about ourselves.  We are told in Matthew 15:10-11 – And he called the people to him and said to them, “Hear and understand: it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person.  There is nothing about gossiping or bad mouthing others that does any good.  And yet so many people are happy to do this daily and make it a continual part of their lives.

When we talk about ourselves, we use degrading phrases like “I’m an idiot, I’m stupid, and I’m worthless.”  These are things I’ve said and I hear people every day say about themselves.   When we make a mistake, mess up or fall on our face we have a habit of talking badly about ourselves.  Everyone seems to be ok with degrading themselves and making these comments.  Its second nature and we now are less than God created us.  By our own words we have spoken curses upon ourselves.  In James 3:6-8 we get a very clear picture of just how bad it is.  And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

 

What if we shifted our outlook?  Take it upon yourself to start complimenting and building others up.  Begin looking for something good about the person and state it.  Better yet, publically state what’s good about them.  What if when we make a mistake we evaluate it, learn from it and move on, but negate all the bad self talk.  What if we choose our words carefully in talking with others?  We make statements and comments that are genuine, sincere and when we leave lift the person’s spirits in a way that it wasn’t before we engaged with them.  The following verses have always been good reminders for me in regards to this.

Colossians 4:66 - Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.

Psalm 19:14 – Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.

 Philippians 4:8 – Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things.

In the end we will stand accountable to God.  Matthew 12:36-37 is a good reminder of this – I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.  We all the gift of edification within us, but it must be practiced.  How good would it feel to start each day by being told something good, positive and uplifting?  I have tried very hard to make this become a daily habit.  You’d be surprised at how it will change your own spirit by building others up, if you doubt – go and give it at try.

What verses convict you in how you speak?

Men’s Books

Posted: 2012 04 19 by Chris Goforth in Authentic Man, Biblical manhood, Book, Challenge, Discipleship, Fatherhood, Hardcore Christian Men, manhood, masculine, masculinity, Ministry, Relationship, Spiritual Discipline
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I am currently reading a variety of books.  I re-reading Wild at Heart by John Eldridge with an older man I meet with.  In my weekly Men’s Group we are reading through Soar by Kenny Luck and with another friend I am reading Risk by Kenny Luck.  This got me to thinking about what others might read.  I am interested to know what other books or authors you our readers would recommend.  I’ve read so many books around it, but by far the following stand out for me –

Robert Lewis – Men’s Fraternity and How to Raise a Modern Day Knight

John Ashcroft – Lessons From a Father to his Son

John Eldridge – Wild at Heart, The Way of the Wild Heart

Donald Miller – To Own A Dragon

Gordon Dalby – Healing the Masculine Soul

Kenny Luck – Soar, Risk

Patrick Morley – The Man in the Mirror

Emerson Eggerich – Love and Respect

 

What books have you heard of or read that challenged you in the way you operate as a Godly man.  What has impacted you as a man, husband and father?

Define Real Men

Posted: 2012 04 12 by Chris Goforth in Authentic Man, Biblical manhood, Fatherhood, Hardcore Christian Men, manhood, masculine
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I had a good conversation with my son and friend this last week about being men.  The conversation began with – how do you define being a man.  What qualities should one have?  I shared my thoughts on the subject and a lot of what I have written about it.  In fact when this site began I put together a series entitled Real Authentic Men, which I had written for my son and gave him a copy of it.  I reminded him of it and he found it and we are going to revisit the list again.  My son will be 14 in June and since I first put together that series I have tried to instill in him those things I have written about.

The conversation with my friend revolved around qualities and characteristics men need.  The things the culture and society shove down our throat versus the truth of what Jesus has to say.  Did Jesus in fact make any statements about it? Why are men uncomfortable around other types of men? What is it about other men that threatens our masculinity?  If we are secure in who we are and how God designed us should that even matter?  Does wearing skinny jeans a v-neck t-shirts while drinking tea and listening to show tunes making you less as a man?

So I decided to post the question to our readers and hear your thoughts and ideas?  What would your responses be to the questions?  Ultimately what makes a man a man?  Is there things men shouldn’t be doing?

Convicted?

Posted: 2012 04 11 by Paul S in Challenge, Discipleship, Hardcore Christian Men, manhood, masculine, masculinity, Spiritual Discipline
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Do you live with conviction? Are you convicted to follow? Or to lead?

God gave us some amazing examples of conviction in scripture. Look at Noah. Can you imagine what it would feel like to be standing in the middle of a desert and to be building a boat. I say boat, but I should say it was a giant life raft. No rudder. No wheel. Lots of animals. One convicted Godly man who followed God for all he was worth. Now look at Moses. Here’s a guy who was sent away as a baby, raised as the son of royalty, had a stutter, and was called by God to follow Him and lead His people into the wild. What about Job? Here’s a guy who lost his entire family, was afflicted with all manner of suffering, and He stuck with God. Talk about Godly conviction!

I could keep going. The old testament often reads as a biography of men putting everything on the line for God. Think of all of the prophets. David. Samuel. Instead of concentrating on these guys, I’m going to fast forward to Acts. This is the book showing men that followed God as Jesus had demonstrated. Peter and John are great, but others stand out to me. Look at Stephen. Just made a deacon. Sharing Jesus’ teachings. Tried. Convicted. Died by stoning for his convictions! And how many times does Paul have to be punished for him to turn away?

Paul is the image of conviction. Think about it. Paul is getting it from both sides. There he is, a Pharisee, persecuting these “Nazarenes” when he is struck blind by God and shown the error of his persecutions. He goes to the Church and is doubted by its leaders. Then after he earns acceptance, he goes and starts sharing the message with the Gentiles! Can you imagine the nerve? Peter and the others call him out about this. He stands up and keeps going. He is driven out of synagogue after synagogue. In city after city, he is stoned, beaten, imprisoned. God sends earthquakes, releases his bonds, and is running right next to Paul the whole way. In the later chapters (Acts 24-28), Paul is imprisoned (or in transit under guard). He isn’t released from prison, God shipwrecks the transport ship and Paul remains. God does not strike down his guards, Paul converts them. God remains as Paul’s light, guiding him to show redemption to the world.

Now, let me ask you. Do you look at God as your light? Is he your GPS? Do you have to conviction to trust His guidance, even when your instinct tells you to turn aside? Think about it. Each of us has different callings. The act of following that calling may take you to one lifelong career, or it might have you going from one to another, developing your skills. It may have you pouring into a few people, or it may be that you are addressing millions. The key is that you are following Jesus in your calling. It is God, and God alone, who gives you your calling. God called Paul to reach the Gentiles. Paul followed that guidance. He followed it straight to a Roman prison. The Holy Spirit was in him as it is in all believers. The Holy Spirit provided conviction so that he could remain convicted to God.

When I was serving in the Army, I was under the command of officers and NCOs who were in total control of me. I was expected to follow their orders without question. This is not to say I was not to think. The good leaders expected me to think, creatively solving problems so they didn’t have to. While in Iraq, I would have followed some of these men to death, and some might say I did follow them into Hell. But these men were focused on completing an earthly mission, no matter how good it was, it may not have been God’s mission. So why, now, when I know God, and the Holy Spirit is with me, do I hesitate to follow Him? God is the ultimate commander, yet sometimes I doubt His commands. So what does it take?

Here’s the challenge:

  • How is God using you in this world?
  • Do you stand by your convictions  the way these men stood by theirs?
  • How can you become a man of Godly convictions?

Now that we know the questions, lets follow the answers. Stand up and follow God with all conviction to be His disciple, giving your life if called to.

Until the Whole World Knows,

Paul

Sprinting or in it for the long haul?

Posted: 2012 04 05 by Chris Goforth in Authentic Man, Biblical manhood, Challenge, manhood, masculine, masculinity, Ministry, Production Values, Relationship, Spiritual Discipline
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I made a decision to follow Christ when I was 7 years old while attending VBS at an old country church.   Something inside of me always knew and believed there was a God.  I wasn’t raised in a Christian home and my Dad wasn’t around to teach me what it meant to be a man.  During high school I started attending a church that I walked a mile to.  It was during these walks that I really drew close to God.  I poured out my heart to him, began reading his word and felt him at work in my life.

During college I had some God moments where I felt his very presence.  Despite living a fairly rebellious life, I continued to draw close to him and he revealed himself to me.  In those moments where I really experienced him it locked in my belief that God really did exist.  Despite what friends might say, I knew God was true and so was his word.  Prior to moving away,  I had spent a year praying that God would breathe new life into me.

So I moved to Portland I was lonely, missing my friends and family.  I began listening to Christian music for the first time and it spoke to me.  I once again drew close to God and spent many hours just talking to him.  I began dating my wife and found a church I could call home.  It was here that I began feeling like I really needed to grow up and mature.  I knew if I was going to start a family I needed to make some changes in my life.  Those changes included getting serious about becoming a man and growing in ways I knew needed to happen.

We got married, were part of a church, I began leading a small group and began allowing other men into my life.  I began reading the Bible and studying it.  It changed the way I viewed life, it opened my eyes to things I never had thought of.  I developed a prayer life and my life began to shift in how I viewed God.  I again experienced God in moments unlike I had never experienced.  I felt him in my life.  He spoke to me.  It is unlike anything I can really express in words.  I do know that time and time again I experienced God and it continued to solidify he was indeed real.

For over 15 years I spent pursuing God.  I served him in various ways as well as spent years leading others.  God continued to speak loud and clear what I was called to do.  He showed me the man I was to be.  It was as if I was in a race and I was sprinting towards the finish line to be the first to cross it.  Just over a year ago all of it stopped.

I got to a place where I was just tired of all of it.  I was worn out and honestly, just plain burned out on God, religion, the church and doing all that I had done.  I tried to force it; the practices I had once used weren’t doing it for me.  It just seemed to make it worse.  There were times where I began even wondering if all that I belied was really true, or was I just being foolish.

It’s taken a while but I realized, the sprinting I had done was not what I needed to sustain me for the long haul.  I needed to take a step back, re-examine my life and figure out how I was going to pursue my faith and belief in God for the duration of my existence.   I realized many times my problems have been me.  I have gone about following him in the wrong way.  I have made it difficult and complicated things.  I’ve put unrealistic expectations and conditions on it.  As I looked back I began to see repeated patterns where God showed up in my life.  He was real, his words were true and he has and will always be there for me.

I’m currently working through how this is supposed to look and feel, but I’m taking my time.  I’m going back through his word and allowing it to sink in.  The spiritual growth I had in my 20’s and 30’s was fantastic, it cemented principles and truths I needed.  Walking with God is not a spring to the finish line.  It’s a journey, one that will take years and one I am looking forward to.

Are you sprinting or pacing yourself?

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